Toy Dolls - The Final Countdown

Leavin' together, still is farewell
Maybe we'll come back, to earth, who can tell
Guess there is no one to blame
We're leavin' ground, leavin' ground
Will things ever be the same again?

It's the final countdown
The final countdown

Uh oh
We're headed for Venus, and still we stand tall
Cause maybe they've seen us, and welcome us all, yeah
So many light years to go things to be found (to be found)
So bad we all miss her so

It's the final countdown
The final countdown
The final countdown (the final countdown)
Oh

(originally recorded by Europe)

Toy Dolls - Carol Dodds Is Pregnant

Carol Dodds ahooo is a girl
She was always happ Ee but now it's crap for her she's met Keith
Carol Dodds ahooo's in a whirl
She thinks Keith is good
But I knew he would leave herrrrrrrrr

She is getting fat her belly's got a lump in it
Keith must have done that, you never see him now
Poor Carol does beg Keith back coz she's preg
Nant Carol Dodds is preeeeeeegnant...

Carol Dodds ahoo's getting sick
She does want Keith much
Even just to touch him would make her feel good
Carol Dodds ahoo needs love quick
She just wants to be
Next to Keith you see to satisfy herrrrrrrrr...

Carol Dodds ahoo misses Keith
She's finding it tough
Though Keith is a scruff she loves him madly
Carol Dodds ahoo's lost belief
She told him she's pregnant
But Keith just went frant, ic he upt and left herrrrrr

She is getting fat her belly's got a lump in it
Keith must have done that, you never see him now
Poor Carol does beg Keith back coz she's preg
Nant Carol Dodds is preeeeeeegnant...

Toy Dolls - I've Had Enough O' Magaluf

'Twas only yesterday that we arrived in Palma
Ever since then our love life has been a farce
Pursued and wooed by that sun tanned Majorca charmer
Now she thinks the sun shines out his Spanish arse

Of course I knew that somebody was bound to meet her
But tell me why did she have to pick Charles Atlas
Is it just because he calls her Senorita
Or did the bast and teach her gracias?

I've had enough, I've had enough
O'Magaluf, I've had enough ooo (Me too)
I know, I know
To stick around, to stick around
To stick around would make me blue (Too blue)
I've had enough o'Magaluf
Enough o'Megaluf and you

Now everytime he walked by the swimming pool
She stared at me and said why can't I look like that
Oh what a sucker, a skinny fool
As she sat pining for that Spanish prat

I've had enough, I've had enough
O'Magaluf, I've had enough ooo (Me too)
I know, I know
To stick around, to stick around
To stick around would make me blue (Too blue)
I've had enough o'Magaluf
Enough o'Megaluf and you

Morning night and afternoon
She'd nick off down the blue lagoon
She was with that bronze baboon again

Now I could see them neckin' on from the balcony
I've been a mug, I might o'know, the scheming skunks
There's nuthin' goin' on she's conned me
Coz she had her hands inside his swimmin' trunks

I've had enough, I've had enough
O'Magaluf, I've had enough ooo (Me too)
I know, I know
To stick around, to stick around
To stick around would make me blue (Too blue)
I've had enough o'Magaluf
Enough o'Megaluf and you

Toy Dolls - Tommy Kowey's Car

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

There's a motor store at the top of Hylton Road

You go there for little bits n' pieces for your car

And in the office there sits a secretary

She's got long blonde hair, Mr Tommy Kowey fancies her...

I saw her in Tommy Kowey's car

Yeah I saw her in Tommy Kowey's car

In Tommy Kowey's car

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Now at the motor store he was there last Tuesday night

With her I saw, they were kissin' at the factory door

But she still tells me, there is nothing going on

With us you see it was Tommy Kowey's wife you saw...

I saw her in Tommy Kowey's car

Yeah I saw her in Tommy Kowey's car

In Tommy Kowey's car

Now at the motor store Mr Tommy Kowey's gotta

Jag-U-Ar she's never been in it she says before

But now she tells lies, she was havin' dinner out

The other night and she went in Tommy Kowey's car...

I saw her in Tommy Kowey's car

Yeah I saw her in Tommy Kowey's car

In Tommy Kowey's car

Toy Dolls - Cloughy Is A Bootboy!

Cloughy's lads are full o' gloom

Coz Cloughy's in the changin' room

Why can't he nick off and leave them be?

He screams and yells and just because

Cloughy knows that he's the boss

Cloughy's rough and tough Cloughy's barmy

Cloughy's in a huff and tense

Cloughy's teeth begin to clench

A Cloughy fan asks for his autograph... "Can yer sign this Brian?"

He nuts him first and smacks him next

Nobody makes Cloughy vexed

Cloughy is the chief Cloughy's the Gaffa

Cloughy is a football hooligan

Now Cloughy's only at his prime

With his fist in yer nose

When the referee blows full time

Brian Brian

Kicks and slaps and he shouts Oi

Brian Brian

Cloughy is a bootboy

The judge tells Cloughy to keep calm

He's up for Grevous Bodily Harm

Cloughy stands and begins to yell

Cloughy must have a screw loose

Coz Cloughy says he's gonna cruc

Ify the cops when he gets out the cell

Cloughy is a football hooligan

Now Cloughy's only at his prime

With his fist in yer nose

When the referee blows full time

Brian Brian

Cloughy is a bootboy

Cloughy is a football hooligan

Now Cloughy's only at his prime

With his fist in yer nose

When the referee blows full time

Brian Brian

Kicks and slaps and he shouts Oi

Brian Brian

Cloughy is a bootboy

Brian Brian

Kicks and slaps and he shouts Oi

Brian Brian

Cloughy is a bootboy

He kicks and slaps

He thumps and cracks

He nuts and smacks and shouts Oi

Toy Dolls - Up The Garden Path

All our mates that we once knew said they were happy

Always shouting in the street, just like you and me

Always finding laughter, fun and games to play

They of course have to agree

Suddenly they were swept off their feet and gone

They don't know what hit them

Just like the rest, the girlfriends got the best

And so the story just goes on...

They all get washed for them, even have a bath

But they are being led, up the garden path

I was sitting in the sun reading the days press

A boy that I once knew was in, I've never seen such a mess

Smiling with a moustache, a suit, a shirt and tie

He had just been wed today

I could not help but laugh, what's got into him?

He looks about forty

He's been such a nit, now he's in for it

And soon you'll hear him say...

They all get washed for them, even have a bath

But they are being led, up the garden path

I was lying on the beach licking cool ice cream

A man, a wife and a pram went by, it was like a dream

He was climbing apple trees just a moon ago

The kind of bloke you think, won't grow

His face is like a fiddle now, long and sad and blue

He still says he's happy

He must have gone mad, cos he's not the lad

That I once used to know...

They all get washed for them, even have a bath

But they are being led, up the garden path

They all get washed for them, even have a bath

But they are being led, up the garden, up the garden path

The Toy Dolls - You Won't Be Merry On A North Sea Ferry

An ad on the tele put a lump in my belly

Sail with the North Sea Sail with the North Sea ferries

You'll laugh all the way with so little to pay

Sail with the North Sea Sail with the North Sea boys

The food will choke you, the staff provoke you

The captain doesn't care no

The captain doesn't care no

Ahoy! Sailings everyday, ahoy it's the only way

I feel sick I feel sick,

North Sea ferrie's done the trick

Ahoy beat the traffic jam, ahoy Hull to Rotterdam

I feel sick and my cabin's freezin' cold

Ooh I booked North Sea Ferries

What a silly boy

You won't be merry on a North Sea Ferry

Ahoy! Ahoy! Ahoy!

Get across the sea and so cheaply

Sail with the North Sea Sail with the North Sea ferries

So book a trip on a North Sea Ferry ship

Sail with the North Sea Sail with the North Sea boys

The food will choke you, the staff provoke you

The captain doesn't care no

The captain doesn't care no

Ahoy! Sailings everyday, ahoy it's the only way

I feel sick I feel sick,

North Sea ferrie's done the trick

Ahoy beat the traffic jam, ahoy Hull to Rotterdam

I feel sick and my cabin's freezin' cold

Ooh I booked North Sea Ferries

What a silly boy

You won't be merry on a North Sea Ferry

Ahoy! Ahoy! Ahoy!

Toy Dolls - Back In '79

Just like we had f-f-f-feared

The mates we had have all disappeared

Nicky, Flip, Paul, Fat Bob and Ted

They all done a bunk and all got wed

Out with the lads for a laugh and a beer

Those days are no longer 'ere

With a lump in yer throat and a shiver down yer spine

They're the memories of 1979

Oh that's where we wanna be

1979

Oh that's where we wanna be

Back in '79

Flip a punk s-s-suddenly aged

He sold his leather jacket just to get engaged

Bobby was a skinhead, but Bobby's hair grew

All for a bird who made him b-b-blue

We never thought we'de see the day

Teddy with a Mrs in the family way

Oh what went wrong? things were just fine

So take me back to 1979

Oh that's where we wanna be

1979

Oh that's where we wanna be

Back in '79

Freddie was a free bloke f-f-full o' life

Now Freddie is a bag o' misery with a wife

Everynight George hit the town

By 8'o clock now he's in his dressing gown

They ain't the lads we knew before

You don't see them down the pub no more

They're discontented mates o' mine

Who wanna be back in 1979

Oh that's where we wanna be

1979

Oh that's where we wanna be

Back in '79

Toy Dolls - Pot Lucky Percy

I would rather be Percy, rather than me

I wanna be Percy

I would rather be Percy, rather than me

Percy's got more money, more money than me

I wish I could be Percy

Oh I wish I could be Percy rather than me

Rather than me, rather than me

We wanna be, wanna be wanna be

We all wanna be you

We all wanna be, wanna be wanna be

Percy we wanna be you

Percy says that he's no more lucky than me

How can he be serious

Percy is more lucky, more lucky than me

Percy's got more girlies, more girlies than me

I'm full o'jealousy

He could spare a girlie, one girlie for me

Girlie for me, girlie for me

We wanna be, wanna be wanna be

We all wanna be you

We all wanna be, wanna be wanna be

Percy we wanna be you

He wins when he bets on the bandit

He spends all night in the bingo hall

He's lucky in the bookies, and you'll always hear him call...

House

We wanna be, wanna be wanna be

We all wanna be you

We all wanna be, wanna be wanna be

Percy we wanna be you

Percy we wanna be... you

Toy Dolls - I'm A Telly Addict

I don't need a doctor

I don't need a drugstore

I don't need an injection

I need to put the telly on

Songs of Praise, Pakistani plays

I can't control my TV craze

Got me in a cold sweat

I don't need no cigarette

Sh sh sh shaking like a jelly fish

I need a satellite dish

There's no doubt that I miss nowt

A TV I can't do without

Anything you get on yer television set

I'll watch it, watch it, watch it

I'm a telly, I'm a telly, telly I'm addicted

Telly, I'm a telly, I can tell I am addicted

I'm a telly, I'm a telly, telly I'm addicted

Telly, I'm a telly, I can tell I am addicted

I like to keep a step ahead

A TV in the garden shed

And with a telly in the bog

I never miss the epilogue

Dynasty or Daktari

A broadcast by the Tory party

Celebrity squares, blind date, who cares

I'll watch it, watch it, watch it

I'm a telly, I'm a telly, telly I'm addicted

Telly, I'm a telly, I can tell I am addicted

It's no surprise I've got square eyes, anyone could predict

I'm TV mad, I'm a telly addict!

I'm a man in great pain

The box is on the blink again

I don't need no morphine

I need a television screen

Documentaries, there's no degrees

I'll even watch a film if it's in Chinese

A speech from the Queen, though I'm not very keen

I'll watch it, watch it, watch it

I'm a telly, I'm a telly, telly I'm addicted

Telly, I'm a telly, I can tell I am addicted

I'm a telly, I'm a telly, telly I'm addicted

Telly, I'm a telly, I can tell I am addicted

I'm a telly, I'm a telly, telly I'm addicted

Telly, I'm a telly, I can tell I am addicted

I'm a telly, I'm a telly, telly I'm addicted

I'll watch it, watch it, watch it

Cause I'm addicted

Toy Dolls - She Goes To Finos

Every night I know that she goes to Finos

And every night I know that she see's him

Every night she holds him tight at Finos

And every night it's alright for him

Cos she goes... la la la la la la la to Finos

Yes she goes... la la la la la la la with him

Yes she goes... la la la la la la la to Finos

Yes she goes... la la la la la la la

Oh with him

Every night I try to get into Finos

And every night they just won't let me in

And every night I watch him meet her at Finos

And every night it's alright for him

Cos she goes... la la la la la la la to Finos

Yes she goes... la la la la la la la with him

Yes she goes... la la la la la la la to Finos

Yes she goes... la la la la la la la

Oh with him

One of these nights I'm gonna get into Finos

And one of this nights I'm gonna make her see me

And every night I'm gonna get into Finos

And every night will be alright for me

Cos she goes... la la la la la la la to Finos

Yes she goes... la la la la la la la with him

Yes she goes... la la la la la la la to Finos

Yes she goes... la la la la la la la

Oh with him

Toy Dolls - Yul Brynner Was A Skinhead

There's a fella from a film

Reminds me of Duncan Goodhew

But he's not a proper skinhead

Cause he hasn't got a tattoo

He's not as wise as he seems

Coz he's just an actor

He's a dunce, I've never seen

Him on the Krypton Factor

We all rinse in Silvercrin

To keep our heads clean

But we know that Yul is not

A normal human being

Coz he uses Mr Sheen...

Yul Brynner, Yul Brynner

They say he's a skinhead but we know that it's a lie

Yul Brynner, Yul Brynner

He's just a baldy geezer from The King and I

Yul B-B-B-B-B-Brynner

Yul Brynner was a skinhead

They said on the news

But I've never seen Yul Brynner

Wearing Doctor Martens shoes

His only claim to fame

Was that he had a shiny nut

But I would look just the same

If I had my hair cut

We all rinse in Silvercrin

To keep our heads clean

But we know that Yul is not

A normal human being

Coz he uses Mr Sheen...

Yul Brynner, Yul Brynner

He's just a baldy geezer from The King and I

It's a lie lie lie lie lie lie lie

We all rinse in Silvercrin

To keep our heads clean

But we know that Yul is not

A normal human being

Coz he uses Mr Sheen...

Yul Brynner, Yul Brynner

They say he's a skinhead but we know that it's a lie

Yul Brynner, Yul Brynner

He's just a baldy geezer from The King and I

Yul Brynner, Yul Brynner

They say he's a skinhead but we know that it's a lie

He's just a baldy geezer from The King and I

Yul B-B-B-B-B-Brynner

Toy Dolls - Fat Bob's Feet

Fat Bob does not wash or scrub

He's never seen a bath tub before

When will Fat Bob use the sink?

We can't face the Fat Bob stink no more!

A killer pong on a Gateshead street

50 drop dead... Bobby Bobby

Quick quick quick it's Fat Bob's feet

There's nowt more deadly

Fat Bob's not cleaned his socks yet

He's not been to the launderette before

Spray Fat Bob's feet with fungicide

He's wiped out two thirds of tyneside or more

A killer pong on a Gateshead street

50 drop dead... Bobby Bobby

Quick quick quick it's Fat Bob's feet

There's nowt more deadly

Tyne & Wear have got the blues

The end is nigh on the Look North news

Fat Bob's taken off his shoes

A killer pong on a Gateshead street

50 drop dead... Bobby Bobby

Quick quick quick it's Fat Bob's feet

There's nowt more deadly

It only takes one wiff

Toy Dolls - I Caught It From Camilla

There she stood in finos, hippo with high heels on
They all said that she goes for the slim and skinny ones
Like me

I swigged six jugs o'stella, and she didn't look that bad
She said, "you're my kinda fella", but I wish she never had

We don't wanna be there
We don't wanna be anywhere
Near unprotected
What infected me?

With Camilla, with Camilla
What the eck' went on?
Where's his underpants gone?
When he woke with Camilla

A dirty dame I dated, a bint beyond belief
I was intoxicated, and it cost me 3 weeks grief
A sting so crucifyin', twas not my cup o'tea
I filled a fortnight cryin' locked in the lavatory

We don't wanna be there
We don't wanna be anywhere
Near unprotected
What infected me?

With Camilla, with Camilla
What the eck' went on?
Where's his underpants gone?
When he woke with Camilla

With Camilla
What the eck' went on?
Where's his underpants gone?
When he woke with Camilla

With Camilla, with Camilla
What the eck' went on?
Where's his underpants gone?
When he woke with Camilla

Toy Dolls - Daveys Days

Davey, wakes wearing a frown
Cause he knows that she's around
He's in his dressin' gown, down and Davey
Davey, dreams of days gone by
Makes Davey wanna cry
He weeps and wonders why

Since he tied the knot
It's what Davey got
Wife of woe, all aggro

Why, why, why, why, oh oh oh oh
She makes Davey's days so blue, oh oh oh oh
These days of Davey's, Davey's
These days of Davey's these, Daveys
Days of Daveys

Davey, Davey's days are days so glum
How did Davey be so dumb
What the bleedin' eck's become of Davey
Davey, the memories of what he had
Make Davey discontent and sad
A lost and lonely lad

Since he tied the knot
It's what Davey got
Wife of woe, all aggro

Why, why, why, why, oh oh oh oh
She makes Davey's days so blue, oh oh oh oh
These days of Davey's, Davey's
These days of Davey's these, Daveys
Days of Daveys


Dave the nut made a big mistake
When he cut the wedding cake
We all said at your peril
But Davey wed a she devil

(Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday)
His days were gone, the gormless goon
When he went on his honeymoon
(Friday, Saturday, Sunday)
Grief and pains, Davey says
Is what remains of Davey's days

Why, why, why, why, oh oh oh oh
She makes Davey's days so blue, oh oh oh oh
These days of Davey's, Davey's
These days of Davey's these, Daveys
Days of Daveys

The Toy Dolls - When You're Jimmy Savile

Jimmy lives his life for charity
Jimmy's got no wife just an O.B.E.
Everybody depends on Jimmy
Jimmy's getting a little cheesed off
Jimmy reckons they've all enough
If they want Jim it's tough

Coz when you're Jimmy Saville (Woooooo)
Everybody thinks yer brill (Think yer brill)
But Jim'll fix it's to be done (Woooooo)
Then that bleedin' Great North Run (The Great North Run)
No it's never too much fun for James

Jimmy does get up at 4:30
But Jimmy does not get time for breaky
He's not complaining, Jimmy's training
Somebody's sponsoring Jim again
So Jimmy bites his tongue and counts to ten
"Oh stuff this" Jimmy snarles

Coz when you're Jimmy Saville (Woooooo)
Everybody thinks yer brill (Think yer brill)
But Jim'll fix it's to be done (Woooooo)
Then that bleedin' Great North Run (The Great North Run)
No it's never too much fun for James

There's no time off, Jimmy's in deep
For James there ain't no sleep

Coz when you're Jimmy Saville (Woooooo)
Everybody thinks yer brill (Think yer brill)
But Jim'll fix it's to be done (Woooooo)
Then that bleedin' Great North Run (The Great North Run)
No it's never too much fun for James

Jimmy Saville
Oo oo Jimmy Saville
Jimmy Saville
Jimmy Saville

Howza 'bout that then guys and gals

Toy Dolls - Fisticuffs in Frederick Street

Frederick Street was on the news tonight
Outside Fosters club had been a fight
And everytime you go to dig the beat
You will hear a yelp and somebody shouting for help...

Hello, hello, hello, hello, who's down there?
Who's down there?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, who's down there?
Who's down there?
In the fisticuffs in Frederick Street
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be, you don't wanna be
We don't wanna be there..

Fosters club was full up to the brim
Everybody risking life and limb
And just to go and pose at the disco
But posing wasn't easy and the D.J
He got queasy, blow by blow...

Hello, hello, hello, hello, who's down there?
Who's down there?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, who's down there?
Who's down there?
In the fisticuffs in Frederick Street
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be, you don't wanna be
We don't wanna be there..

Everything's silent on Frederick Street
A lonely policeman walks the beat...
Before long everybody'll know
That Fosters club is not the place to go
Unless you want your head kicking in
You will hear a yelp and somebody shouting for help...

Hello, hello, hello, hello, who's down there?
Who's down there?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, who's down there?
Who's down there?
In the fisticuffs in Frederick Street
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be, you don't wanna be
We don't wanna be there..

Toy Dolls - Ivy's Lurid Lips

Looking at her reflection,
Ivy thought, I'll shock Don
When I get my face lift, when I get my face lift done,
You'll see, Don is gonna want to snog with me

But they all grimace, an insult to the human race
A wifey with Mick Jagger's face

Lurid lips, Ivy's...lurid lips Ivy's
Ivy's, Ivy's lips are a bleedin' disgrace
Lurid lips, Ivy's...lurid lips Ivy's
Ivy Brennans gotta chipmunks
Ivy's lips gotta chipmunks face

Ivy took the chance
Ordered her lip implants
Now she worships her kingsize lips
But her three grand gob
Cost Ivy her job

Now Ivy's lost her loot
Ivy is destitute
Ivy's lips got Ivy the boot

Lurid lips, Ivy's...lurid lips Ivy's
Ivy's, Ivy's lips are a bleedin' disgrace
Lurid lips, Ivy's...lurid lips Ivy's
Ivy Brennans gotta chipmunks
Ivy's lips gotta chipmunks face

Ivy Ivy...

Lurid lips, Ivy's...lurid lips Ivy's
Ivy's, Ivy's lips are a bleedin' disgrace
Lurid lips, Ivy's...lurid lips Ivy's
Ivy Brennans gotta chipmunks
Ivy's lips gotta chipmunks face

Lurid lips...

Toy Dolls - I've Got Asthma

I've got asthma and I can not breath
Can't breath at all!
I've got an inhaler with me
I am choking and my face is blue
Blue and it's getting worse!
I think I will have to lie down... coz

I've got ASTHMA yeah I've got ASTHMA
Yeah I've got ASTHMA...

I've got asthma and I am wheezing
Wheezing like mad!
I don't think I will sleep tonight
I think I'll reach for my inhaler
Good idea!
I hope it makes me feel better... coz

I've got ASTHMA yeah I've got ASTHMA
Yeah I've got ASTHMA...

My inhaler needs a refill
What shall I do?
The Chemist is not open yet
Blue face, can't breath and I'm still wheezing
Dear me! dear me!
I just do not know what to do... coz

I've got ASTHMA yeah I've got ASTHMA
Yeah I've got ASTHMA...

Toy Dolls - James Bond Lives Down Our Street

My name is Bond! James Bond.

James Bond lives down our street
I've seen him he catches the 32 bus
James Bond lives down our street
Sometimes he sits on the back seat with us
He's got a gun strapped to his chest
You can't shoot him in a bullet proof vest
A clever lad but can be a pest sometime

0.0.7. James Bond lives down our street
Jimmy's a spy but both you and I know
Sean Connery or Roger Moore, that I'm not quite sure
But what I know is James Bond...
Lives down our street

James Bond lives down our street
Sometimes he gets a helicopter to work
James Bond lives down our street
Me dad's oldfashioned and he says he's a jerk
He's always chasing a heavy mob
He should go out and get a proper job
He should go out and get a proper job sometime

0.0.7. James Bond lives down our street
Jimmy's a spy but both you and I know
Sean Connery or Roger Moore, that I'm not quite sure
But what I know is James Bond...
Lives down our street

Down our street there lives a spy
Says he works for M.I. 5
He's always a star when you're having a party
Says he went to school with Russel Harty
He's a real smarty
He is a real smarty.

My hair is Blonde! Dyed blonde!