Toy Dolls - Bitten By A Bed Bug!

Was it something that i spilt on my new continental quilt or what?
Could it have been a bad dream that crept in bed & made me scream or what?
What attracted such a beast, why did it want to make a feast of me?..

Bug bug a bug a bed bug
A bug a bug a bug a bug bigger than a bumble bee
Bug bug a bug a bed bug
A bug a bug a bug a bug a bug a bug a bug bit me!
In a night of misery.

Was it coz the chocolate sweets i ate last night between the sheets or what?
What could it be that made me frown, the biscuit crumbs on my night gown or what?
A nit in need of nourishment, it got inside the bed & went for me.

Bug bug a bug a bed bug
A bug a bug a bug a bug bigger than a bumble bee
Bug bug a bug a bed bug
A bug a bug a bug a bug a bug a bug a bug bit me!
In a night of misery.

Was it coz i was dirty that it took a fancy to me or what?
I jumped up sweating with fright, oh will it take another bite or what?
I felt the fangs rip through my vest, the mattress monster was digesting me!

Toy Dolls - Back In '79

Just like we had f-f-f-feared

The mates we had have all disappeared

Nicky, Flip, Paul, Fat Bob and Ted

They all done a bunk and all got wed

Out with the lads for a laugh and a beer

Those days are no longer 'ere

With a lump in yer throat and a shiver down yer spine

They're the memories of 1979

Oh that's where we wanna be

1979

Oh that's where we wanna be

Back in '79

Flip a punk s-s-suddenly aged

He sold his leather jacket just to get engaged

Bobby was a skinhead, but Bobby's hair grew

All for a bird who made him b-b-blue

We never thought we'de see the day

Teddy with a Mrs in the family way

Oh what went wrong? things were just fine

So take me back to 1979

Oh that's where we wanna be

1979

Oh that's where we wanna be

Back in '79

Freddie was a free bloke f-f-full o' life

Now Freddie is a bag o' misery with a wife

Everynight George hit the town

By 8'o clock now he's in his dressing gown

They ain't the lads we knew before

You don't see them down the pub no more

They're discontented mates o' mine

Who wanna be back in 1979

Oh that's where we wanna be

1979

Oh that's where we wanna be

Back in '79

Toy Dolls - Fat Bob's Feet

Fat Bob does not wash or scrub
He's never seen a bath tub before
When will Fat Bob use the sink?
We can't face the Fat Bob stink no more!

A killer pong on a Gateshead street
50 drop dead... Bobby Bobby
Quick quick quick it's Fat Bob's feet
There's nowt more deadly

Fat Bob's not cleaned his socks yet
He's not been to the launderette before
Spray Fat Bob's feet with fungicide
He's wiped out two thirds of tyneside or more

A killer pong on a Gateshead street
50 drop dead... Bobby Bobby
Quick quick quick it's Fat Bob's feet
There's nowt more deadly

Tyne & Wear have got the blues
The end is nigh on the Look North news
Fat Bob's taken off his shoes

A killer pong on a Gateshead street
50 drop dead... Bobby Bobby
Quick quick quick it's Fat Bob's feet
There's nowt more deadly

It only takes one wiff

Toy Dolls - Olga Crack Corn

...

Toy Dolls - The Sphinx Stinks

The grub was vile, we couldn't crack a smile
WE PAID TWENTY SMACKERS JUST TO SAIL UP THE NILE
It cos ten quid..
TO GET STUCK INSIDE A PPPPPYRAMID.

I'd rather be in Hawaii, CLEETHORPES OR SOUTHEND
You won't catch us on the Egypt bus again again again.

The... Sphinx stinks, Sphinx stinks
THEY DO NOT CARE ON EGYPT AIR
Sphinx stinks, Sphinx stinks
IN CAI I I I RO
The Sphinx stinks, Sphinx stinks
YOU WILL GET RIPPED OFF IN EGYPT OH!

The hotel room filled us with gloom
WE SHOULD O' SPENT THE NIGHT IN A MUMMY'S TOMB
A camel ride...
ANOTHER TEN SMACKERS AND A NUMB BACKSIDE.

I'd rather be...
The... Sphinx stinks, Sphinx stinks
THEY DO NOT CARE ON EGYPT AIR
Sphinx stinks, Sphinx stinks
IN CAI I I I RO
The Sphinx stinks, Sphinx stinks
YOU WILL GET RIPPED OFF IN EGYPT OH!

The... Sphinx stinks, Sphinx stinks
THEY DO NOT CARE ON EGYPT AIR
Sphinx stinks, Sphinx stinks
IN CAI I I I RO
The Sphinx stinks, Sphinx stinks
YOU WILL GET RIPPED OFF IN EGYPT OH!

Toy Dolls - The Coppers Copt Ken's Cash!

He was a rich man, he was a sod
Income tax thief known as ken dodd
Lock him up dump doddy in the nick
A greedy pig with a tickling stick

Not content in the super tax bracket
1/2 a mill in the pocket of his jacket
He climbed up stairs to hide away the bread
1/2 a million smackers under ken's bed.

Oo oo oo he dodged the inland revenue
A liverpudlian with loads o' loot
He didn't declare it, he didn't give a hoot!

Ken ken, who's he again?
A disappointment to the diddymen
Ken ken, had the upper hand
Now he'll never expand on his 500 grand
Ken ken, had a load o' cash
Till the cops copt ken in notty ash.

The cops crept in to where ken slept
They knew where ken's cash was kept
Doddy then had to confess
The dosh was under his mattress

Ooo...

Ken ken, who's he again?
A disappointment to the diddymen
Ken ken, had the upper hand
Now he'll never expand on his 500 grand
Ken ken, had a load o' cash
Till the cops copt ken in notty ash.